What are you watching to get through it?

Or reading, or listening to, etc.

Early last week, my son had a disagreement with a friend. It wasn’t some huge deal, but it made both of them feel bad and I could tell they felt awkward around each other. Being young children, “talking it out” was not available to them. Instead, when they saw each other, they just kind of stood around not talking until they began throwing themselves into the street sign pole at our bus stop. They just ran into that pole, over and over, until they were both laughing and things were fine. A little bit of physical violence gave them the catharsis they needed.

Last Tuesday night, when it was starting to become clear that things weren’t going well, I told Hollis, “I think I’m gonna go run into the street sign for awhile.” I had the worst kind of anxiety, the kind that keeps flowing through your body no matter what you do and shouts “NO!” to any solution you might present it. Sleeping didn’t sound good, because then I’d just wake up to the bad news. Staying awake wasn’t looking attractive, either. I just wanted something to help me move that energy out of my body. I just wanted to run into the street sign.

I did not do that. Trump won. Sherrod Brown, a man who has devoted his entire life to helping Ohioans, lost to a slimy man who stole from his employees and ran a campaign based on fear of trans people. It felt pretty awful. It continues to feel awful as Trump fills his cabinet with a whole group of Some Guys. Does anyone have any experience with what they’re doing? No! They are all Some Guy. I don’t feel like I have to pretend I feel any other way about it or disguise my feelings, because it all seems so obvious. I’m reminded of my favorite line from the Twilight books, when Bella goes to dinner with Edward and gets mushroom ravioli and then says, “The ravioli was good.” Sometimes you just have to be blunt. No need to describe that ravioli or this current moment any further. This is bad.

But as adults, we can’t really go run into random street poles until we’ve exhausted ourselves. And I’ll be honest: I need and want to continue living my life, taking care of my family, and doing my job. I want to feel like a human being! Here’s what I’ve been doing to get through the bad feelings.

Talking to my neighbors.

I don’t mean that in a vague, trying-not-to-offend-followers, “what unites us all is that we love this country” way. I find it very odd when someone posts that we need to respect everyone’s political opinions. I respect everyone’s basic humanity. I accept that people think differently than me. I don’t spit in the faces of people I disagree with. But I don’t even respect the opinions of people who say bad things about Dakota Johnson…why would I respect the opinions of someone who thinks the Department of Education should be dismantled? That’s not a good opinion.

So that’s not what I’m saying. What I am saying is that getting out of my house and talking to my neighbors (the literal people who live in the houses near me and the people around me in Columbus) made me feel more sane and hopeful. I think when you’re primarily seeing people on the internet, via oft-shared controversy-bait social media posts, it can be easy to spiral and feel utterly hopeless. And I’m not even saying those feelings are wrong, necessarily—but I don’t think they’re useful. Right after the election, I read some things on the internet that made me feel truly delusional, but then I talked to some neighbors who were just like, “wow, Trump is so bad, this is all so bad” and it just brought me back to reality. I realize this sounds a little like this Simpsons quote, except it’s “75.6 million voters” instead of “the children.”

I feel a lot better when I’m visiting a bookstore, my favorite matcha truck, the library, talking to other parents at swim lessons, etc. Of course there are weird people in real life too, but I find that I feel my absolute worst when I’m stewing in internet rage.

I realize this isn’t possible for everyone—I mentioned it to my mom, who lives in Bellville, and she said, “well that doesn’t help me, everyone here loves Trump.” I mean, I lived in rural Ohio for a long time. I recently read a journal entry from high school where I wrote, “It was a good day. Argued about George Bush with [teacher name redacted]” so I GET IT. I once worked at a job where my boss was running as a Republican for state senate and that office held a Mitt Romney rally and I shook Mitt Romney’s hand for reasons that are still unknown to me. I understand that sometimes you find yourself in a place where you are an idealogical outcast. Sometimes you find yourself grasping Mitt Romney’s hand. But right now I live in a blue pocket of Ohio and I don’t hate it.

Taking Bill Callahan walks

I’m not saying listening to Bill Callahan will make you feel better, but it will make you feel something, and sometimes that’s enough. When I’m listening to Bill Callahan, I think a lot about trees and forget about the rest of the world.

Reading a big book

I finished Lonesome Dove this morning. I read it because of the Conquer a Classic project The Bookshelf does every year on their Patreon. I got behind earlier this year but I felt the urge to catch up after the election happened. Are you very serious about forgetting the outside world exists? This is the book for you. I only thought about these cowboys for a week and I miss them so much. Also you’ll be like, “well at least I’m not dealing with grasshopper storms.”

Watching or reading literally anything

When you’re going through something hard, the choice is: do I watch something light and distracting? Or something heavy and poignant that will help process emotions? After Hollis’s mom died in 2016, we had to travel to Louisiana for her funeral while I was pretty pregnant. It was, obviously, a stressful time and I needed a distraction in the form of a book. I read a romance novel (Sarah MacLean’s Nine Rules to Break When Romancing a Rake) because I wanted to be in a hopeful world. And I read All the Light We Cannot See, a pretty bleak book about World War II, and that felt helpful in its own way, precisely because it was so dark.

So last week I didn’t know which direction to go in, but ultimately Hollis and I decided to watch Gone Girl, which might be the ultimate distraction movie. I read the book back when it came out so I knew what was coming, but Hollis didn’t! The twist was a genuine surprise for him. It felt like such a relief to watch something that was purely fun, like when we were in the early days of Covid and the only thing that made me feel better was watching comedies.

I also read Big Fan by Alexandra Romanoff, an extremely fun and short romance novel. I’ll write more about it in the next monthly roundup, but I loved it. It reminded me why I love romance so much. When I was on the last page Hollis started talking to me and I had to be like, “I’m sorry, but this woman is attempting to follow her dreams right now, please give me a moment.”

Remembering that right and wrong actually exist

Is this a big one? Okay, sure. But this is always a calming thought for me when I see people rewarded for lying and cheating and/or getting elected president so that they do not face legal repercussions. Something that confuses me is when people online are like, “Here’s a thread of pet pictures to make you feel better.” There must be something wrong with me because that does not work for me. I love pets but looking at random pet pictures doesn’t make me feel a damn thing. I do feel better, though, when I remember that we all have an ethical responsibility to do the right thing when we can, and that I believe there are consequences for doing the wrong thing. If not in this life, then certainly in the next. And I feel better when I consume art that explicitly confronts this idea—Lonesome Dove, for example, was engaged with the idea of right and wrong, of being brave enough to do the right thing, of what happens to our sense of self when we do the wrong thing.

I would love to hear what you’re reading or watching in these tough times. And I know no one asked me for advice, but I will still give some because I’m giving it to myself, too: get off the internet. I used to have this sticker on my planner, because it’s evergreen advice.

buyolympia

I’ll be back next week with a more normal post, provided we all stay healthy. See you soon. xo