After several weeks away, here I am, back in your inbox with some thoughts on everyone’s favorite super-fun topic: memory. Kind of like when aging kept popping up in my life, lately it seems like I can’t escape the topic of memory. I truly love when this happens. Austin Kleon has written about reading several books at a time and letting them talk to each other, and that’s what this feels like to me. I didn’t intentionally ingest so much about memory at the same time, just as I wasn’t looking to read about older people this summer, but it almost feels like the universe created a syllabus for me and now it’s my job to draw out the themes (I guess this is some insight into what my idea of a fun time is).
It probably helps that I’m already inherently interested in memory, as it’s something we spend a lot of time talking about in my family. In 2020, my grandma died after spending years with dementia (or Alzheimer’s? I know there’s a difference and her diagnosis, as I remember it, wasn’t clear). As you know if you’ve been through this ordeal with a family member, it was a unique kind of terrible. My mom was the one who spent the most time caring for my grandma, so she’s especially concerned with avoiding brain degeneration and has a lot of theories about why, exactly, my grandma was so affected.
But part of what makes the topic so obsession-worthy is its mystery. For all that we know about the brain, there’s still a lot we don’t know. I just found an article called 8 Things We Don’t Know About the Human Brain and the text of it was basically, “IDK, everything, I guess???” There are definitely theories about how Alzheimer’s works, but (as I found out in one of my three suggestions here), no one knows for sure.
I actually do feel like I learned quite a bit about memory and the brain from the following pieces of media, but mostly they’re fun. And one of them made me laugh out loud quite a bit! I recommend all of the following things, because each of them made me laugh or think or, in one case, buy the book for my mom.
How to with John Wilson (television show)
I’d come across How to with John Wilson a lot because it’s frequently mentioned alongside my favorite show, Joe Pera Talks with You. Eventually enough people recommended it that I had no choice but to watch it, and it’s pretty perfect. The conceit is that John Wilson, our mostly unseen narrator, shows us around New York City and occasionally other places, interviewing people about the whatever the topic of the show is. The third episode, How to Improve Your Memory, follows John as he learns about the Mandela Effect and attends a conference put on by Mandela Effect believers. A quick explainer of the Mandela Effect, in case you’re unaware: there’s a not insubstantial number of people who think that things they erroneously believe to have happened (for example, that the Berenstain Bears were called the Berenstein Bears, or that Febreze used to be spelled Febreeze) are not examples of their faulty memory, but rather proof that they’ve slipped into a parallel timeline. As John Wilson says about the convention, “It seemed like I had found the one place where the worse your memory was, the more people liked you.” It’s fascinating (if a little unsettling) to see people so ready to believe in an off the wall conspiracy theory rather than accept that their memories might just be a little faulty. But also…that convention did look pretty fun.
Preparations to be Together for an Unknown Period of Time (Film; director Lili Horvat)
More like Preparations for Trying to Remember this Title, am I right? Title aside, Preparations was Hungary’s official submission for the 2021 Oscars, but I didn’t watch it until this month (as of now, it’s available on the Criterion Channel). Marta Vizy, a neurosurgeon, leaves her impressive job in New Jersey to return to her native Budapest after meeting a man at a conference. They agree to meet on a certain date on a certain bridge, but when she gets there (after leaving the country where she’s lived for twenty years!), he’s nowhere to be found. Confused, she tracks him down at the hospital where he works and he can only stare blankly at her. He doesn’t know her. Unable to figure out if he’s for some reason lying, or if (as seems increasingly more likely) she has some sort of medical condition that caused her to invent their entire love affair, Marta becomes more frantic and more obsessed. She follows him around the city. She looks up YouTube videos of him as a child. She goes to a therapist in hopes that he can diagnose her with something that will explain this. Through it all, she’s operating on people’s brains, because that’s her job, so we’re treated to an exploration of how memory works in the brain (tbh I had to skip through part of the brain surgery scene because I’m squeamish about surgery in film). The Mandela Effect isn’t ever mentioned, but could Marta have stumbled into some parallel universe where, instead of believing that Febreze was once spelled with another e, she made up a relationship? Just to help set your expectations, this is a slow movie. Not much happens, and if you’re expecting some sort of dramatic resolution, well, don’t hold your breath. I watched this mostly in twenty minute increments in the quiet, dark early morning hours before my family woke up (sometimes I wonder what filmmakers would think if they knew how I was watching their films…David Lynch, certainly, would be annoyed), and I don’t know if that’s a possible or convenient way for you to watch it, but I’d recommend it as a viewing experience! Also, it begins with the last stanza from Sylvia Plath’s Mad Girl’s Love Song:
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I get chills! Anyway, I highly recommend this movie if you’re looking for something quiet, thoughtful, beautiful (I want to go to Budapest now; if you’ve been, please tell me if it’s as lovely as it looks here!), and unexpected. I loved it.
Keep Sharp (Book; author Dr. Sanjay Gupta)
Sorry to give you whiplash by switching from a Hungarian film to medical nonfiction. I’m aware that this is not a cool book, but as previously mentioned, I do spend a lot of time thinking/worrying about memory loss and the inevitable deterioration of my own brain. But as Dr. Gupta puts it…maybe it’s not inevitable? The entire point of this book (I think, because I haven’t finished it yet) is that there are things you can do to help your brain work better. This is definitely one of those medical books that’s written for a broad audience of people who don’t know the first thing about medicine (so, me) but it’s still pretty dense at time. Right now I’m bogged down in a section that explains all the ways that Alzheimer’s could possibly work, because guess what? NO ONE KNOWS HOW IT WORKS! Despite all our progress in cancer research (and by “our” I mean “as a society;” I think you all know I’m not working in cancer research), brain diseases are a whole different, mysterious beast. The brain surgery parts of Preparations reminded me very much of the more academic, explanatory parts of this book. If degenerative brain diseases run in your family or if you’re just interested in figuring out how your brain works and how you can best use it, I highly recommend this book.
This is where I would usually put the “Homework” section, but I decided to cut it. I always felt it might be obnoxious, and lately I’ve been both confused and incredibly annoyed that my Instagram feed is mostly people giving unsolicited advice. Not anyone I actually know who’s reading this, of course. I just mean…random accounts that are like, “gentle reminder to blah blah blah” or “hey ladies, in 2022 we’re blah blah blah” or “the way you’re doing something? Is bad” or “don’t set reading goals because some bullshit about how that’s not real reading” (sorry but you cannot stop me) or “Betty White died in 2021 so her death wouldn’t poison 2022; what a thoughtful queen” (okay, that one isn’t advice but it is something people kept sharing on Instagram and…what? The fresh hell? Does that mean?). Whenever I see stuff like this I get irrationally angry. Who gave you the right? I did not ask for this advice. I come here to see pictures of food and book reviews and find out what my far-flung internet friends are up to; this isn’t therapy or school. Stop telling me what to do!!!
That’s all a long way of saying that I don’t want to give you advice or tell you what you should/shouldn’t do. This is a newsletter about my personal interests and you can read it or not, but I don’t ever want to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong. Life’s too short and I’m not your boss.
Instead, here’s what I’ve been watching lately:
YELLOWJACKETS: Yes, for once I’m watching something buzzy! You might say…buzz buzz buzzy. I was drawn in because I love all the actresses who play the adult versions of the characters. I’m slightly younger than them (I think I was in fourth grade when their characters are supposed to be in high school), but it still feels very relatable. We’re only halfway through but so far it’s kind of a combination horror/coming of age/psychological thriller thing, and it’s a lot of fun. I will warn you that it’s disturbing in ways I didn’t expect. Yes, sure, it’s about cannibalism, which isn’t a spoiler because that’s in all the promo material, but that doesn’t bother me (not that I want to go on record saying I’m not bothered by cannibalism, but you know what I mean). It’s really hitting on a personal trigger of mine (again, not cannibalism) and I do regret starting it but now we’re almost finished so oh well!
INTIMATE STRANGER: Remember my Berliner Bender? Well, it’s back, baby, because Criterion Channel has a collection on Sundance 1992 that includes Alan Berliner’s documentary about his grandfather, INTIMATE STRANGER. At this point, I know Alan Berliner’s family history better than I know my own. What a gift to have this much footage and knowledge of your family! I didn’t like this one as much as NOBODY’S BUSINESS, but it did feature Oscar Berliner shouting “Who cares?!?!” so I can’t complain.
JOE PERA TALKS WITH YOU: The third season of the only current show I love without reservation is now on HBOMax. As I get older, I find myself seeking out entertainment that makes me feel better about the human race and reminds me that people are often annoying but they’re ultimately good, and that’s how I feel about JPTWY. This is like a TV version of Katherine Heiny’s EARLY MORNING RISER; both set in Michigan, both feature a lot of weirdos, both make me laugh and cry. I don’t wish to be negative in this space (any further than I already was when talking about Instagram advice), but please don’t listen to anyone who says it’s like Ted Lasso. It is not, but I cannot elaborate further in public.
And now it’s time a little bit of self-promotion. For some reason I was really set on not using this newsletter to promote my books, which is kind of silly because presumably you didn’t sign up for this newsletter because you hate my writing. There’s even a chance you might be interested in buying my new book! It comes out on August 2nd and it’s called JUST ANOTHER LOVE SONG. It’s a second chance small town romance between a gardener/greenhouse owner and the alt-country singer who got away. It’s about what happens when you get to your 30s and realize your life isn’t what you’d planned, and whether it’s too late to change the things you’re not happy about (spoiler alert: it’s not too late). It’s also about sunrises, books, zinnias, really good donuts and coffee, and a street fair. My editor said it reminds her of Gilmore Girls and the Parks and Rec Harvest Festival. I based it on my own home town but took out all the QAnon supporters and the giant F- JOE BIDEN flag that hangs across from the grocery store (sorry if you wanted a rom-com with depressing realism but that is, uh, not what I write). You can preorder it right here, and I hope you do! I really appreciate your support and also not to be, like, desperate but my career literally does depend on it.
Next week: my love of Werner Herzog both as a filmmaker and as a person who defies categorization, how he’s kind of an inspiration for me (despite our, shall we say, dissimilar works), and how my initial interest in him came from a period of pretty deep hopelessness! It’ll be fun, I promise. I’ll even share a photo of me in a heatproof jacket, a hardhat, and safety glasses. See you next week.
I love your newsletters, and this one was another welcome read. I love the John Wilson show and I think about it constantly. And now I have two other related things that I am interested in looking up now. Thank you.