Say Anything is actually a movie for adults

And the real star is JOHN MAHONEY! Sorry John Cusack!

Note: this post contains spoilers for Say Anything, a movie that came out in 1989 so you’ve had a lot of time to see it! In general, this newsletter is kind of a spoiler-filled area unless otherwise noted. Please don’t get mad at me. Also I know there’s an ellipses in the title but I just can’t keep typing that, sorry!

When Myspace and Facebook were unleashed upon the world sometime during the beginning of my college years, it became easy to let the world know what you liked. You could list your favorite movies, your favorite bands, and signal to the world that you were, in fact, very cool. But it wasn’t that simple when I was in high school. You had to wear your heart on your sleeve or, more accurately, wear your interests on a t-shirt from Hot Topic.

Despite its hell-mouth exterior and inspired font choice, Hot Topic had a lot of clothing suitable for a 17 year old girl who just really loved movies and music from the 1980s. I spent the majority my hard-earned babysitting/working in the kitchen of a semi-Christian summer camp money on buttons I could put on my backpack to let people know I liked The Smiths, or a patch that would let people know I liked The Evil Dead. Literally no one ever commented or cared, but I remained hopeful that someday, someone was going to see me walk past and be like, “Damn, that girl’s entire personality is on her JanSport, and you know what? I like what I’m seeing!” That person would, obviously, be Michael Moscovitz from The Princess Diaries, or a Blane/Duckie hybrid from Pretty in Pink (I liked them both) or a reincarnated, younger, pop culture savvy Jimmy Stewart.

As you might guess, I didn’t meet/fall in love with a fictional character or a long-dead Hollywood star, but that didn’t stop me from trying. One of my favorite novelty t-shirts advertised my love of the Cameron Crowe film Say Anything. The front had a picture of Lloyd Dobler in his iconic pose, forever holding that boombox aloft and blasting Peter Gabriel. The back said “I gave her my heart. She gave me a pen.” If Lloyd Dobler was attending my high school, I assumed, I wouldn’t be trying to make friends via t-shirt because he would understand me. Lloyd Dobler understood everything. He liked ska and kick-boxing and girls who didn’t go to parties!  

When I found the DVD in my parents’ basement last year, I decided to rewatch it, half-expecting it to be nothing more than an exercise in nostalgia. Which would’ve been fine! Clearly I’m not above exercises in nostalgia. But what I found was surprising: Say Anything was actually better as an adult. When I was an actual teenager, I was so in it that I didn’t really notice just how good John Cusack’s performance is. Like, I know we don’t give out retroactive Oscars, but his jittery, shaky, nervous performance is so natural and so believably teenage that I think it deserves some sort of award recognition. So many teen movies feature leads who are unrealistically suave in the way that no real teenager can be. John as Lloyd is in no way suave. He’s awkward and he ruins dinner parties, consistently says and does the wrong thing, and looks kinda frantic as he does it. He has a female bestie (always a good quality is a male main character). He always seems like he’s about to take flight. I love him.

Since this is a Cameron Crowe movie, it’s no surprise that the music is great. And every character is perfectly cast and even the tiniest of scenes are suffused with realism—it just feels like each of these characters has a full life off screen. That scene where Lloyd and Diane are leaving the party and talking to Eric Stoltz? It makes me ache with how simultaneously silly and loving and real it feels. I’ll never be that young again. It would be easy to argue that I never was that young (I had a real Diane Court personality/lifestyle in high school, but without the Diane Court gorgeousness). I so admire that Cameron Crowe somehow made a movie that shot teenage me in the heart and is still remarkably, painfully resonant for adult me.

All those things are great. But that’s not why we’re here. We’re here to talk about…John Mahoney.

As a kid, I mostly knew John Mahoney from Frasier. The dog, the chair, the getting frustrated with Niles and Frasier’s pretentiousness. You know, because that role is iconic. However, this performance takes my breath away. We meet him as Diane Court’s loving, attentive, very supportive father. They really only have each other, since Diane just studies and doesn’t go to parties, and he makes sure she knows she’s the smartest, most beautiful girl around (which isn’t hard, because she kind of is!). Of course he’s skeptical when awkward, honest Lloyd shows up and has no future plans, while Diane has everything mapped out. It’s all set up to be a story we know by heart: protective dad doesn’t understand his daughter’s relationship and they fight, but eventually he learns to let go and everything works out fine.

But that’s not what happens. What happens is that John Mahoney has been embezzling funds from the nursing home he manages, where it’s always seemed to Diane like he does such noble work. When he first realizes he’s being investigated by the IRS, and when his credit cards get cut off, he lies to Diane and insists he’s innocent. It’s only when she finds out the truth (by finding a ton of money hidden in their home) that he finally breaks down and admits his guilt…by claiming that he treated the residents well enough to deserve their money, and that he did it all for Diane’s future.

The real betrayal, though, isn’t what he did or how he justifies it. It’s that Diane trusted him. It’s that she trusted only him, to the point of choosing him over her mother, to the point of not making friends with her classmates, to the point of breaking up with poor, jittery Lloyd. He always told her she could say anything to him, but he lied to her about something unfathomably huge. Anyone who’s ever been betrayed by someone they trusted knows that rug-pulled-out-from-under-you feeling, the sick, slippery, slimy fingers that grip you inside when you realize that the truth you always believed in wasn’t ever even real.

Diane immediately goes to find Lloyd, tells him what happened, and says she loves him. Lloyd pauses for a moment and asks her, “One question: are you here 'cause you need someone, or 'cause you need me?” Most stories, at least those that follow conventional story structure, might have him initially reject her. We need to show character growth somehow, right? We don’t want Lloyd to look weak, or their love to be too convenient. But Lloyd follows that up with, “Forget it, I don’t care.” And that’s right! Lloyd is obsessed with Diane, and he doesn’t care why she’s there. I don’t think we, as viewers, really know if her intentions are pure or not, but it doesn’t matter. There is no universe in which Lloyd Dobler would ever turn Diane Court away. He’ll be with her until the end, giving her his heart over and over, no matter what he gets back.

But the real, more emotionally resonant, dénouement (am I using this word correctly? Unclear. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in college and my brain currently only has space for songs from Encanto) occurs between Diane and her father. He’s in prison and she’s about to leave for her fellowship, but she can’t even bring herself to see him. Instead, she sends poor Lloyd with a letter. And the pen. The pen that her father suggested using as a kiss-off gift! It’s so heartbreaking that she’s essentially leaving her father behind and placing her trust in Lloyd. No matter what happens, no matter that she thought about writing “I can’t help loving you” in his letter, nothing between them will ever be like it used to. He did something wrong, and he lied, and she’s leaving. It’s hard to say what will happen with Diane and Lloyd (the ending feels like a slightly more hopeful version of The Graduate), but it feels secondary to me now, as an adult. Even if their relationship is transient, it meant something to both of them. But the one that should’ve been permanent, between father and daughter, is broken forever.

This will come as no surprise to you if you’ve read any other editions of No One Asked, but I cried pretty hard at this one! But afterwards I felt so fulfilled and happy and ready to work. I mean, Cameron Crowe made this perfect movie and then he just kept…making movies?? He could’ve stopped here and been golden! But no, he turned out bangers for a pretty long time after this (I’m including Elizabethtown as a banger…sure, it doesn’t make sense, but it has vibes for days and it will absolutely make you feel good). What an inspiration.

Thanks, as always, for reading and subscribing, for commenting and emailing. I’m in the beginning stages of working on what will hopefully be my next book (one never knows! Especially if one is me and one has written entire proposals and drafts that have gone nowhere!), and that phase of “this isn’t even ready to show anyone or get any feedback because it’s just a bunch of jumbled words” is simultaneously the most exciting and the most lonely part of writing. I love having a weekly(ish) outlet where we can chat. Let me know if you’ve watched Say Anything in adulthood, or if you’ve developed any complex and heartbreaking feelings re: John Mahoney. See you next week! Until then, enjoy this behind the scenes picture from Say Anything.