Okay, but Persuasion Wasn't That Bad

Also Dakota Johnson was good, but you knew that already

To close out my summer of Dakota, I finally did it: I watched Persuasion. Yes, once again, I’m watching a movie months after it came out, because apparently I’m allergic to watching anything when it’s buzzy. And buzzy this was! Well, if you’re tuned into a certain segment of the internet (people who are really into Austen), that is.

From the moment the trailer dropped, my timeline was 95% variations on the tweet “Jane Austen is rolling in her grave.” I take that back: from the moment the casting was announced, first when Dakota was announced as Anne and then again when Henry Golding was announced as not Wentworth, the feelings toward this film were decidedly negative. But I was willing to give it a chance for one reason, and if you’ve ever read this newsletter then you know the reason: Dakota Johnson, a perfect angel.

I’ve spent a long time thinking about why so many otherwise smart people dislike her. I mean, I was once one of them…or at the very least, I was once indifferent to her. I think most of it comes from the nepotism angle—it’s hard to take someone seriously when both their parents are famous. However, not that I’m trying to defend a celebrity (my love of any actor will hopefully never be read as stan behavior), but I don’t really get how being the daughter of Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson would help her get roles in Luca Guadagnino films? Like, call me crazy but I simply do not think he was like, “I need someone to play this disturbingly sensual dancer in my Suspiria remake…I suppose my only choice is to call the daughter of Don Johnson!”

But that’s my other point. Dakota has had some weird and dark and complicated roles. They’re not all Fifty Shades of Grey, and even Fifty Shades of Grey only worked (when it did) because of her. She has a beauty that’s almost bland, and it helps her blend into so many different kinds of roles. Perhaps a lot about her public persona (the limes, the Chris Martin, the Ellen) can seem a bit cringey, but I’m not particularly interested in that. I think she’s one of the best and most interesting actresses currently working, and my prediction (quote me on it!!!) is that she’ll be nominated for an Oscar within 3-5 years.

So what I’m saying is…I do not think the flaws of this film can be attributed to Dakota. Frankly, I’m surprised this movie got Dakota. But that being said, I just don’t think Persuasion was that bad! I don’t get all the hate!

The older I get, the less interested I am in a cheap, surface level takedown, and that’s how I would describe most of the pieces I read about the film. You know, just taking various quotes out of context, listing all the things they didn’t like, etc. But I’m not against honest criticism, or the idea of hating something. Criticism is a good and healthy part of the arts! The only really good piece I read about hating Persuasion came from Brandon Taylor. Even the title, Persuasion (2022) is a Hate Crime, is funny. It’s a very smart, very long piece that manages to highlight what doesn’t work about the film by discussing what makes the book so great. Honestly, it made me want to reread the book!

But maybe that’s part of why I wasn’t particularly offended by the quality of Persuasion. It’s been at least six years since I read the book, and while I did like it, it’s not one of my touchstones. Also, I’m not really ever concerned with the accuracy of the film versions of my favorite books. Most of the time, I don’t even watch the film adaptations of books I’ve enjoyed, and when I do, I keep them pretty separate. I might have different feelings if Persuasion was fresh in my mind or a book I reread often.

So, okay, Persuasion the film. I had a good time and I didn’t hate it. I didn’t feel the intense yearning I wanted to feel (you know, that good old Pride and Prejudice hand flex yearning), but I also thought many of the performances were quite good and it was really trying to do something. Did it succeed? Unclear. Was there one glaring flaw that I can’t overlook? Yes. But I’m having a hard time organizing my thoughts and it’s getting late, so let’s do bullet points. Here’s what happens in Persuasion:

-Dakota, as Anne Elliot, breaks the fourth wall and talks directly to the audience. I enjoyed this. Having Dakota speak directly to me is a dream. I can pretend we’re just two friends sharing makeup and hair tips, because really, we’re both brunettes. We both have bangs. We both have large foreheads. We both had a gap between our teeth that closed up. Might as well be the same person, when you think about it!

-Anne drinks a lot of wine. Like, so much. So much that I kept thinking, “Anne, this isn’t helping you. Alcohol might temporarily relax you but it’s actually terrible for your mental health.” It’s really too bad Anne Elliot couldn’t read The Anatomy of Anxiety, a book I’m currently reading and having mixed feelings about. Anyway, just a lot of wine. So much. A gross amount.

-Anne’s sister, Mary, is perfectly cast and genuinely very funny. I loved her slightly hoarse voice and her over-the-top selfishness. That actress absolutely understood the tone the movie was going for. At one point she said, offended, “You think that just because I hate something I don’t want to do it?” and I laughed.

-Anne’s father is played by Richard E. Grant. Perfect casting.

-Many/most of the actors in the film are great, which leads us to the one role that was so ill-conceived, so miscast, that I have no choice but to believe the casting director took the day off and they let the first man who wandered in have the part.

-It’s Wentworth. The most important character in the story, aside from Anne. In order for this movie to work, we have to believe that Anne has been missing this man, regretting rejecting him, quietly pining for him for years. We have to believe that they have a connection she can’t find with anyone else. He has to be charming. There has to be chemistry. Instead, this is our Wentworth.

This guy.

More than once, I said “THIS guy??” out loud to the screen. I won’t name him and I’m sure he’s better in other roles, but I spent the entire runtime of this movie wondering why he was in this role.

This?? Guy??

He has no chemistry with Dakota, when this entire movie should be powered by their chemistry. There is no spark. There is no banter, witty or otherwise. Also, the sideburns. Why. I don’t know if this is actually true, but it seemed like his mouth was half open most of the time. That feels emotionally true.

They’re actually being repelled from each other.

After Cha Cha Real Smooth, I’m starting to get offended when Dakota is paired up with men who are obviously beneath her. It strains credulity.

-Making matters worse, HENRY GOLDING plays Mr. Elliot!! Yes, THE Henry Golding, the man who I think could be a modern day Cary Grant if given the chance. He was great in Last Christmas, a movie that wasn’t very good, and I think he has the perfect suave-yet-screwball energy if anyone would just let him be great. He’s quite good in this small role, but that’s the problem. There’s plenty of chemistry sparking whenever he and Dakota speak. He’s the bad guy and you’re still like, “I don’t know, maybe she should get with him?” I mean, they banter. They flirt. He doesn’t have the bad hair or the weird, loose-fitting pants. Aside from the fact that he’s sort of the villain, he’s the better option.

I really think this picture says more than words ever could.

-Dakota looks great throughout this entire movie. She’s always wearing a berry shade on her lips that made me think I should try a berry shade, even though I know they don’t look that great on me. But maybe they will now! Maybe I just need to try!

-She wears a ton of great outfits. Don’t ask me if they’re historically accurate, because I write contemporary romance specifically so I won’t have to do things like costume research, but they’re definitely super cute. At one point she wears this little beret thing:

-Whatever this is. Business casual meets regency?

-Drab but she makes it work.

-It’s giving “dramatic girl at prom.”

-This velvety thing!

Obviously a behind the scenes photo…I may not know much about this time period but I don’t believe they had bottled water.

It’s great. Are berets historically accurate? I don’t know and I don’t care! All I know is that Dakota looks great in one and now I want one, too!

- Did you know that Dakota was supposed to be in Don’t Worry, Darling, but had to drop out because of scheduling conflicts with The Lost Daughter? Thank God. The absolute last thing in the world that Dakota needs is to be involved in another controversial film, and her role in The Lost Daughter is some of her best work. This isn’t really related to Persuasion, but I’m spending a lot of time thinking about DWD and if Dakota was involved, I wouldn’t even have time to eat or sleep.

Overall, I simply don’t think this movie is as bad as everyone says it is. I do feel like it was striving for a tone that it never quite achieves. I’m currently rewatching Bridget Jones’s Diary, another Austen adaptation, and I’m struck by how it also has an alcoholic, verbally incontinent (Mark Darcy’s words, not mine) heroine who’s a bit of a mess…however, BJD also sticks the landing and then some when it comes to the emotional arc. Bridget, Daniel, and Mark feel very real, they all make sense, and Mark and Bridget’s final kiss in the snowy street is one of the best, most satisfying romantic endings to any movie.

I think what it comes down to is the problem I have with so, so many of the rom-coms or romance films coming out today. The characters are simply not right. They do not feel real, they’re not fully-drawn, they don’t have the emotional depth to make us care. And, crucially, they’re often not played by the type of highly skilled actors who were doing rom-coms in the 1990s and 2000s. I absolutely think that Dakota, if I haven’t made this clear, has the emotional depth to anchor a romance. Fifty Shades wouldn’t work without her. Cha Cha Real Smooth wouldn’t work without her. How to Be Single barely works and I wouldn’t have watched it without her.

Frankly, there’s not much charm or charisma or chemistry in today’s romances, and that’s a real shame. Many of them have fantastic female leads, but where are the men who are going to usher us into a new era of convincing, satisfying rom-coms? Who is today’s Tom Hanks? Who is today’s Hugh Grant? I would settle for today’s Billy Crystal! Where are the charming men???

I know, I know, I’ve written almost this exact screed at least once before. But I can’t help it. It’s a continual source of frustration. My friend Liz Locke says that the men in Netflix rom-coms are potatoes, and ultimately, I’ve come to believe that we’re suffering a plague of potato men. I just don’t see a way forward in rom-coms until we find a cure/even one charming man.

So yes, I liked Persuasion just fine. I think it’s worth watching, and I think it looks lovely. Dakota is great and so are many of the other actors. Does it pay enough respect to the book? Probably not, but I’m not so bothered by that. It’s silly, and it’s broad, but it’s also pretty entertaining.

She knows you hate this movie but she’ll have the last laugh (when she gets that Oscar nomination (NOT for this film)).

I can’t believe I just wrote 2,000 words to essentially say “this movie was fine,” but there you go. Have a great rest of your week, and I’ll see you soon.